Wednesday, December 22, 2010


By Kenny Bloggins

Is there any SEC school that doesn't cheat at recruiting/paying players? Maybe Vandy? This is getting ridiculous. Just this season I've learned of paid players at Florida, Bama, Auburn, Georgia, South Carolina, and now LSU. At what point does the NCAA shut down the conference? I guess they didn't see the Pony Exce$$ special on ESPN's 30 for 30 that exposed the rampant recruiting scandals in the Southwest Conference.
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) - LSU will take away two football scholarships and limit recruiting visits in hopes the NCAA will accept the self-imposed discipline as its mandated punishment for rules violations discovered by the school in 2009.

Last spring, LSU reported football recruiting violations that included improper telephone contact, transportation and housing involving a former assistant coach and player.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Running commentary from Bears-Vikings MNF

By Aimless Rambler

My running commentary on the Bears game, while I realize I have taken this from the Sports Guy - I don’t care. This game is HUGE, even with the Pack loss last night:

8:35 : Are you fucking kidding me, Favre is playing - can we just shoot him in the head now, or do we need some sort of permit?

8:36: Okay - three straight runs for a total of 100 yards. Not exactly that start that we are looking for #2 ranked run D.

8:38: A pass! Damnit. I actually expected a INT

8:42: Holy F’ing shit, this might be the shortest running diary ever. What’s that five plays and a TD. I need a drink. Nothing says Monday Night Football like a very large pour of Bordeaux. This is sowing all the seeds of an angry drunk

8:47: Our first offensive series, and it wasn’t a turnover. After such a great rookie year, what’s the conclusion on Forte? Bust, or some serious promise. I can’t figure him out. I mean the O-line is terrible, but he has not been great this year.

8:49: First pass - and it’s complete, only the 8th third down conversion of the year. Followed up by a near pic, of course. Cutler sucks

8:53: Heat Lakers - Christmas Day! I’m cheering for injuries

8:55: Man City lost 2-1 to Everton tonight, but on the upside Delaware is off to the national championship on Jan 7th.

8:56: A pass as best I can figure to a Viking. We’re going to lose. We suck.

8:57: Favre just threw an INT in his Wanglers commercial. Wrangler jeans – when you just the right fit for when you want to expose yourself to others.

8:59!!!!! Yes! That’s just Brett being Brett. If you’re the Vikings, you can’t stop the pics, you can only hope to contain them. Shit! Penalty, pic comes back. But that didn’t take long, another pick. Is there some reference we can measure of the worst football game of all time, because this has all the making.

9:04. Ball on the Viking 10, total number of yards zero. 7-3. I mean really - you have to do better than that. Although on the plus side, I am loving outdoor Minnesota football in December. I can’t think of a better home field advantage. It makes me think of the time Ditka referred to the Metrodome and the Rollerdome. If I recall correctly that was the same year McMahon came in halfway through the game at the Rollerdome and lit some shit up - Bears ended up winning 30-24 (yes, I had to look up the score). That actually reminds me. Kevin Butler spoke at my high school junior year; only memory is that I never expected an ego that big on a place kicker. I mean seriously.

9:11 - Turns out that game is back on. And yes, I’m almost ready for a refill. This is AWESOME! Snap WAY over Favre’s head. This Vikings team is terrible. I mean we’ll still lose, but I love seeing the Vikings suck.

9:14. HOLY CRAP! Cutler puts up a lame duck. I mean I have a better arm than that - and still somehow it finds Knox who takes it in. Not only was it a third down conversion, but a real live touchdown.

9:16. Listen. I love Michael Jordan, and if you’ve ever had the conversation ‘if it had to be a guy...’ he’s a least on the list, but the Hitler mustache has got to go. I mean what exactly is the statement he’s making “I can make anything look good, even if it reminds you of the Holocaust” Not really what Hanes hand in mind, I think

9:21. Vince Vaughn? What happen? You were Double Down damnit, you’re better than this. Off the map coming in January. I can almost guarantee here was the pitch - ‘it’s like Survivor meets Grey’s Anatomy, what can possibly go wrong?’ Well, that’s what they thought when they bred a great white shark with an octopus. How’d that work out?

9:28. Whoops, so caught up in the trailer didn’t realize the game was back on. Look up. Yup, teams still suck. TCU is in the Rose Bowl? WTF? Good God the Bowl system sucks.

9:30. In five years when Favre is eligible for the Hall of Fame - he’ll be welcomed back as a Packer, right, I mean after everything that’s happened? That’d be awesome if the booed him like the Giants fans did to Barber, but I think Wisconsin people are just too freaking nice for that.

9:36. Have now been asked to assemble all the kids presents. Drinking, watching football, typing, and trying to open child proof gifts, all this from a guy who can barely walk and chew gum? Something tells me this ends poorly.

9:36. Favre goes out. The mean side of me smiles the same way it did when I remember listening to the game Montana almost died he was hit so hard. Who was the against, the Giants? At the end of the day I might just not be a good person.

9:41. Sorry, got a little tied up in a gift. Is there anything more f’ing annoying that having to try to free a child’s toy from its packaging. It’s torture. On the good side, the Bears are in fact matriculating their way down the field, almost with a sense of purpose. But don’t worry, I’m still negative about their chances.

9:43. TOUCHDOWN! I just smiled for the first time tonight. I am a really bad person to watch a game with because I get so worked up in my own negative energy it’s tough to get me positive again.

9:45. Joe Webb. Hang on a second, this is going to require research. Picked as a WR in the 6th round, out of UAB. Here comes either the option offense of a messed up version of the wildcat.

9:54. Yup. Starting to feel the vino. Bears are actually playing well. Can you have rose-colored sports glasses?

10:01. Holy Crap. Dance Star Mickey just started dancing and came alive just like Chucky, I just jumped out of my skin. I now hate this toy.TD! And a flag. Crap. Offsetting. Quickly followed up by an interception. WTF Cutler. It was a perfect pass right to the cornerback. In the span of a minute I just went from freaked as shit from a toy, to a fist pump to totally disgusted. A team shouldn’t cause this kind of emotion.

10:05. And so this is how the first half ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper. Halftime. While Berman used to be slightly amusing, like most of ESPN I now just find him (and it) really really annoying. Is that just me, or has the self-promotion and catch phrases now just started to grate on everyone’s nerve?

10:20. And we’re back live. Devon Hester! One man wrecking crew. Down to the 10. Three points here we come! you for not disappointing. Points are points, but seriously - that’s like driving the green on a par four and making 5. I get it, I play bogey golf, its expected - but still...

10:29. Are you kidding me? Hester! TOUCHDOWN! He might even make me start cheering for the U! (okay, scratch that - that will never happen). But seriously, this guy is sick. At what point does any special team coach just take the penalty and kick it out of bounds? And on a punt, he should never get within 20 yards of the ball. You have got to be shitting me!

10:36. I know I keep writing this, but this Vikings team is terrible. Yeah - so they’ve lost about 18 starting players and Peterson isn’t playing, but this is awesome. They’re awful. Turns out an 8th string team can still score on this bears D. We are well positioned for the playoffs.

10:44. Lighting the Vikings up like Swiss Cheese! That analogy doesn’t even make any sense, but here’s something that does - Jay Cutler to the ProBowl! Another TOUCHDOWN!. 34 points! Most points they’ve scored this season.

11:01. My assembly of toys is taking all the fun out of this. Another freaking field goal.

11:06. OH Snap! That’s a good hit by Harris I think. I know Kenny Bloggins has mentioned it before but they are attempting to make this flag football, and we all know one of the best parts of watching is when someone gets a little laid out.

11:07. Fumble from Minn. This is really pure joy. I think I just saw a Viking fan cry. And I laughed.
11:18. Like most of my writing, I’m starting to lose interest in my own subject. What the hell is the matter with me, I mean seriously - can’t keep something going for three hours? I guess I’m not Sting. Anyway, another interception for the Bears. If I’ve calculated correctly that puts Viking turnovers at 43 tonight. Good times.

11:25. What’s wrong with my dragons? I think I’m going to have to show up to work one day with an outfit like the dude in the Miller Lite commercial. That shit is sweet.

11:25 As you can tell, I’ve got nothing left. I’m going to stick with it, but have to say - this experience has left me with just a little admiration for folks who run the running commentaries on a regular basis. I’ll read the Sports Guy occasionally, as well as some Minute by Minute on the Premier League and this shit it hard to do. Making anything resembling an interesting point, and I’m not even talking a humorous point, is hard. I feel like Ron Burgundy ‘This is hard!’

11:45. So that’s it - that’s the game. I have to tell you, I am one conflicted Bears fine. Lovie has just won his 3rd division title in six years, and yet I still think he’s a terrible coach. They just chalked up a 26 point win against a division opponent, and are just one win away from sweeping the division - and I’m still not convinced. And they are currently the 2 seed in the NFC since they already beat the Eagles. I mean what more can I possibly be looking for as a fan. I’m fired up but preparing for a first round exit.

I have to get my head examined.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Tom Baby

By Kenny Bloggins

When's the last time Tom Brady got hit? I mean, the guy is grilling steaks back there.

The last time I saw him get hit (vs. Raiders in 2001 playoffs) the NFL made it illegal to hit him and/or to recover one of his fumbles.

The next time Haloti Ngata breaks someone's nose, here's hoping it's Tom Baby's.

Big Ben, after all, is ugly enough.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Fear the Chicken

By Aimless Rambler

So I’ve been thinking that I need to revise my writing. Well, not actually revise it so much, but actually proof read what I write, check my spelling, not have every post be a small novel, try to have full complete thoughts - you know that sort of thing. And then I realized that I have received blows to the head recently that would have completely altered my personality and so none of those things are actually going to happen.

Similar to how I don’t let facts and data get in the way of my point, I’m not going to let a little thing like a full coherent thought break my stream of consciousness stride (quick side note, for 30 years I actually thought that song was sung by a woman).

Where am I going with that. Ah yes. 2010 was a pretty freaking kick ass year for sports if you’re name happened to be Aimless Rambler.

1. Fear the Chicken:

I think you hear me knocking Georgia Southern and I got me, my Michigan knock-off helmet and the Wing T with me (thank you Denis Leary). That’s right, it’s playoff time! Now I know what you are saying – playoffs? In college football? Isn’t that like the Yeti – heard of, and believed to exist, but in reality a figment of our imagination? Oh no Virginia – there is a college playoff system, but you have to travel away from the sexy metropolitan areas of Boise State or the Horned Toads of TCU and kick it low-brow to Division I-AA. Delaware is in the semi-finals of the Div I-AA playoffs taking on the powerhouse that is Georgia Southern this Saturday at noon. It’s on the Ocho ESPN8 – I suggest you turn in to see how a real national champion is determined.

2. Da Bears
I will be the first to admit – this Bears team is just not that good. What’s their record? 9-4? How the hell did they ever win nine games? It’s a miracle. Offense ranked 26th in the passing and 25th in rushing. Defense ranked 18th in passing and 2nd in rushing. Great. 2nd in run defense in a pass happy league – that will get us far. But if you really look at it, 9-4 is probably the right record for this team. I mean they’ve won two games they should have lost (Detroit and Green Bay), but then they lost two games against teams they are better than (Seattle and Washington, both by three points). And they beat the Eagles, playing pretty well – so we’ll give them that one. So this team is basically an 8-8 team, but Minnesota sucks this year (wow, that’s fun to write, let’s write that again…. Minnesota sucks!) – so if they win this week at Minn. they’ll probably end up at 10-6, and might even sneak in as a 3 seed thanks to Green Bay crapping the bed against the Lions and face the NFC West champs. I like those odds. Basically this is the 2006 Bears team four years older and their record reflects that. Compared to expectations at the beginning of the season I’ll take it.

3. White Sox resign Paulie K.
I don’t particularly care for Jerry Reinsdorf. I think the way he and Krause handled the ’98 Bulls team was a disaster (yeah – crap like that sits with me for a long time, I’m still pissed), but the way he and Williams handled the Kornerko contract was nothing but class. The exact opposite of how the Yankees managed the Jeter situation. I know last year was a contract year and his numbers will go down next year, but he’s been the face of the franchise for the last ten years and I would have hated to see him in another uniform. I realize it’s a business, but I appreciate the way they handled it. And with he and Dunn in the middle of the line-up, this is setting up to be a pretty good AL Central race next year.

4. The Bulls
The Bulls are young and really really good. They are also really likeable (and yes, I’m including Noah in that statement) and fun to watch. I was going to write 9000 more words on why you should jump on the Bulls bandwagon, but I just came across a Wilbon article that essential does the same thing. Read this instead, because that man is a paid professional, and I’m just a jackass with a keyboard. Here’s my final point with the Bulls – this isn’t their year. I think they’ll go pretty far in the playoffs this year, like Conference Finals – but next year they are going to win it all. You heard that shit here first, get on board early and find a seat.

5. Your Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks

In reality this should be listed as number 1, 2 and 3, but then I couldn’t tie in the cool title Fear the Chicken. Here’s the deal; I have cried four times on my adult life that I can recall. The birth of both of my boys, when I hugged my dad on my wedding day, the time I took a slapshot of a frozen tennis ball to the nuts, and when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.

2010 turned out to be a really really good year.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Big Blue Fans Need to Step Up!

Today's post is from a new contributor to our site; we'll call him "Gary" for now. As a Philadelphia Iggles fan,  he is calling out all you New York Giant fans so please feel free to give it back to him in the comments.


I’ll be the first to admit that I take almost as much joy in rooting against some sports teams as I do rooting for my own.

While 2004 was the greatest thing ever, part of that elation comes in knowing that tied along with breaking the ‘curse’, the Sox also stamped the Yankees with greatest choke job ever.

The curse is over. All curses will someday end. But the greatest choke job ever will always be there. And I feel it is my duty to make Yankee fans remember that every single day.Go ahead and win 80 more World Series. There will always be the one. Greatest choke job ever.

In football, I’m finding it harder to rib my opponents. Only because I can’t find any Giants fans who seem to give a crap. I’ve even gone out of my way to make it out to a public place the past couple of years anytime the Eagles play the Giants.

The win streak is currently at 5 straight for the Birds, dating all the way back to 2008.

I can vividly remember the playoff game that year played at Giants stadium. I was at a bar with some friends, smack dab in the middle of Giants territory.

Proudly sporting my Mike Mamula jersey, I received one single heckle when I walked in the room, and I’m pretty sure that was from Mike Mamula himself, who couldn’t believe somebody still had one of his jerseys.

But from there, it ended. The Giants, as happens the majority of the time, stunk up the joint that day, unable to score even a touchdown, despite home field advantage and a first round bye.

Then this year, again at a sports bar in the land of Big Blue. When Eli slid like one of Jerry’s kids, fumbling the ball and costing his team the game, Giants fans in the bar weren’t angry. They just turned to their girlfriends (you know, the ones with the unibrow and the mustache, wearing a Mark Bavaro jersey) and acted as if nothing had even happened.

And when both games ended, I had Giants fans coming up to me and shaking my hand saying ‘good game’ and ‘you deserved it’.

Forget that, you loser! Where is your heart? Where is your passion? Blame the referees. Make fun of Andy Reid’s parenting skills. Tell me again how many titles you’ve won. (A Yankees fan staple). I’m one of three guys in the bar rooting for the Eagles. There are 100 of you.

Now, you might think I am looking for trouble, but I’m not. This isn’t Oakland where if you wear a Chargers jersey to a game, you are going to get shanked.

But just give me something. Show me that you are angry with how those losers played. Maybe you’ll go home and kick your boyfriend’s cat.

Or maybe the first thing you’ll do is tear the Eli Manning poster off your bedroom wall, but quietly as to make sure you don’t wake up your parents.

Why even try to hide it? Let it out.

I’ll be out watching the Eagles-Giants again this weekend. And if the Eagles lose, I’ll be pissed. I won’t be shaking your hand. I won’t be saying ‘Hey, Eli played a great game.’ I’ll be telling you and your Phil McConkey looking girlfriend to shove it.

I despise Eli, Osi, Matthias and all the other frauds that you consider a team.And I fully expect the same out of each and every one of you.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Personal Foul

By Kenny Bloggins

Here is why guys hate (or should hate) Tom Baby. Start watching at 1:30--you can see how Danny Woodhead was dressed and then about 10 seconds later you can see Tom Zoolander's outfit. I'm hoping he's on the receiving end of James Harrison's next fine.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Best Athlete

By Aimless Rambler

It really is a never ending debate isn’t? I mean which sport produces the best overall athlete?

So many different factors to consider. Is it speed and strength? Agility? Endurance? At the end of the day, however, there is really only one question you need to ask yourself.

Which athlete would you want with you to survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse (Oh, that’s’s coming).

Now you might be thinking to yourself that you don’t need the world’s greatest athlete to help you survive. Well, let me tell you - you’re wrong. You’re totally F’ed. Don’t believe me?

Go ahead - try to survive the night. What did you last? A night?. Not only that, but chances are your instincts are all messed up. Personally, I’ve been reading up on it. Gotta be prepared. I now know what not to do.

So while I know I’m ready, I’m also self-aware to realize I can’t do this shit on my own. I’m going to need some help. Someone strong but agile. Fast but has the endurance. I’m also going to need someone with excellent eye-hand coordination. In short, I am going to need to worlds most complete athlete.

Time to figure out who that’s going to be. First, we have to eliminate all the individual sports. Federer, Tiger, Lance? Sorry dudes - zombie meat. One of the keys here is going to be good teamwork, the ability to rely on someone else and who knows their role and what they need to do. Non team guys are only going to be looking out for themselves, won’t know how to function in the broader group. Not to mention if we picked up Tiger, there’s more than an excellent chance he’d be getting it on with all the survivor ladies (and based on what I’ve read, I do think all). I mean come on now there big man, the rest of us may want to pro-create to restart civilization too. Can’t start a new society with a hundred little Tiger clones running around out there.

Bottom line, no matter what you’ve accomplished in your sport - if you don’t play a team sport, I’m not going to consider you the most complete athlete, because my ass is dead when the zombies arrive.

So that gets me to the team sports. For laziness purposes I’m going to focus on the five main team sports. Yes, I believe that volleyball players are excellent athletes, it would be cool as hell to see Karch Kiraly spike a ball into the undead and watch his head explode, but seriously - how long could he keep that up? And my sets just aren’t that good.

Anyway, as much as I love the beautiful game and have only recently begun to appreciate how physical soccer is, and the endurance required, but I’m not counting on little 5’2” Lionel Messi to help me make it through the night. First off, we know that you’re balance isn’t all that great with the ease at which you collapse upon entering the penalty area. Additionally, your best bet for survival would be going in with the studs up two footed tackle. Probably effective in slowing the down, but we all know only a blow to the head is really going to do the job. Sorry soccer, have fun in Qatar.

It saddens me, but we’re going to have to leave Ovechkin behind. So many qualities to like too. Big, strong, tough - even carries his own weapon, which will be useful (note to self, bring hockey sticks everywhere now, because you just never know when). But the fact is, your comparative advantage to surviving the zombie reckoning is really only when you are on ice. Take you off your skates - and you really don’t have anything special that’s going to help me make it through the night. Good news though! Zombies are probably not the strongest skaters, so as long as stay on that frozen pond, you’ll probably be okay. I’ll come back to get you as soon as I can.

Basketball. Again, on the surface of it - seems like a pretty good way to go. The quickness would really come on handy when we’re ducking in and out to rummage for supplies; and I’m sure the vertical jump thing will be useful if cornered in an alley (which always seems to happen). The fact is, Lebron James is quite like possibly going to go down as the second best basketball player of all time, but I’d consider him a massive flight risk. I mean if we were about to be overrun by a swarm of the undead, the last thing I need is someone who’s thinking of taking his talents to south beach. So if it’s not going to be the King of basketball, who the hell else could it possibly be? I mean, hell, Jordan only hit .220 in double A ball - not exactly cross-over highlight we are looking for.

So that pretty much leaves football and baseball for the fate of the Aimless Rambler. Not good, not good at all. So in football the best athletes are probably the wide receiver or the linebacker. Yeah, sure maybe Michael Oher is this phenomenal physical freak, but unless I’m trying to distract the undead by allowing them to feast on his massive body, I ain’t going with that guy. The problem with WRs, however, is that they are a bunch of prima donnas. Can’t be relying on the me first guy for my or the groups safety. And Ray Lewis? Well, he’s probably comfortable with firearms, I mean that’s got to be a plus. He’s also fearless - and when there are thousands of them swarming you, you are going to want someone without fear. You will want someone who is emotionally stable, however. I don’t know about you, but every time I look at that guy I really do believe he would benefit from some anger management classes.

So football is out. Hope is almost lost. Who am I going to take? A pitcher? That’s perfect if I need to plug a zombie in the head every five days, before he’s in the DL for Tommy John’s surgery. Please. So we’ve highlighted what we need. Great overall athlete, fearless, emotionally stable, not on ice skates, good eye hand coordination, and a leader. Having his own weapon would probably come in handy. Ladies and gentlemen, the worlds most complete athlete:

I mean this guy is a freak. He has everything. Speed, power, eye hand coordination, has his own weapon. Here’s my theory, you could plug Crawford into almost any sport and I think this guy could be an elite athlete in that sport. Maybe not in the pros, but somewhere close to that, and that includes my newest sport; whooping zombie ass. Good times.

As long as he doesn’t sign for the Yankees.

I can sleep better at night knowing that now have a complete plan.

The Walking Dead season finale is Sunday. It’s go time.