Wednesday, October 27, 2010

AC Philthy - Why you should hate Notre Dame

Ladies and Gents, I give you AC Philthy.

AC is a huge Phillies and Eagles fan and a perfect example of how sports fans in New Jersey are split in half geographically - but that is a story for another day. My family still hasn't really accepted him with his Philly ties but we hide it well.

Philthy is also a rabid Rutgers fan so you have to feel for him.

He was successfully broken and is a New York Ranger fan.

And almost forgot, he does a killer Cornholio and if you know what that means I promise you will like this site. 

Here is his first entry:

I hate Notre Dame and you should too

Let me preface this entry by saying, if you like Notre Dame and didn’t either go to Notre Dame, grow up in the Midwest, have a prominent male member of your family don the Blue and Gold in a revenue producing sport, or are a card-carrying member of the Eyerman family of Northeast Pennsylvania; I automatically question everything about you.

There are two things keeping Notre Dame Football relevant – NBC and Rudy. Ironically, I love the movie Rudy.

The trick is to picture Rudy as an aspiring seaman playing for Navy. Also, Chelcie Ross looks like an Admiral (that’s Admiral Devine to you) and grew up in Fort Dix, NJ. Trust me, I have seen the movie a hundred times and have gotten to the point where I can mute out every ND reference and replace it with Annapolis, Midshipmen, Beat Army, Anchors Aweigh and the like.

It is also telling that there is not one good looking girl in the movie. I believe that all the women in South Bend look like Brady Quinn’s manish sister. Aside: Did AJ Hawk dump her yet? I got that whole thing when he was trying to stay in the news and get drafted in the first round even though he ran a 4.9 40 but c’mon.

Finally, no one likes a fat Jon Favreau. Aside part deux: Was it ever explained to us how D-Bob became a millionaire six months after graduating from ND? I still think they were setting us up for a sequel. He’s so little! Sorry, had to throw that in.

Coincidentally, Navy kicked the snot out of Notre Dame this past weekend.
The simple fact is, Navy is better than Notre Dame and have been for a couple of years. Notre Dame continues to get big-time recruits year after year; they are just under-coached and over-hyped. From 1995 – 2007 the Irish lost 9 straight bowl games. That may be the best kept secret in sports. Let’s be real, the Notre Dame fan contingent consists of millions and millions of sheep. I am not saying you can’t be a fan of a random team; it just shouldn’t be Notre Dame.

To address this problem, I have taken the liberty of matching common lifestyle attributes to the appropriate college team. Please use the following stream of consciousness to find your new found rooting interest (if necessary):
If you own a boat… you are now a Navy fan. If you are a licensed electrician… you are now a Virginia Tech Hokie. If you own a farm, work on a farm, or have ever milked a cow… you are a Texas A&M supporter. Like to hunt or have a unhealthy obsession with the game Risk?... Go Army! If you have ever shanked someone… the U is always accepting fan applications. On a related note, if you have ever participated in a flash mob or riot of any kind… welcome to the Idaho Vandals family. Do you have a credit card that earns airline miles?... rock the wishbone with Air Force. When all else fails… root for the APR Top 10, good special teams, and the best tailgating scenes.

Notre Dame Football is what my wife would call a “Monet” and Adam Dunn hilariously refers to as a “40-footer” – good from far but far from good. They think they are smarter than everyone else and claim athletic poverty due to their stringent admission standards yet Brady Quinn and Jimmy Clausen can’t figure out a two-deep zone. They have an unrivaled hype machine and enough financial backing to run a small country but I’d bet my Guinness Stew that even they are getting nervous about the lack of production on the field. Poor Ty Willingham!

In a different life, Rudy could have probably been Navy’s 2nd string fullback. That man, Alexander Teich, racked up 210 rushing yards on the Irish this past Saturday. Time will tell if Brian Kelly’s ever-so-slight hint of scumbagedness is just what the Irish needs to get back to the top of the mountain. Until then, however, overrated and brimming with naivety, Notre Dame Nation marches on… to the Hawaii Bowl.

1 comment:

  1. Bad press is good press!!!!!
    Seriously though, Thanks for finding a way to spend so much of your time on a team you dislike so much. Maybe you should be trying to help coach SHEano keep kids like Theo Riddick, Carlo Calabrese and Anthony Fasano, just to name a few, in the Garden State to play football at the world famous Rutgers Stadium. Cant imagine why they didnt want play for the legendary Greg Schiano and hope that their games against teams in the MEAC would be televised in their own home state. National audience every week or Grotto or Grease trucks??? BLUE and GOLD or scarlet red??? Joe Montana or Deron Cherry???
    I do look forward to your next post though, good luck and KEEP CHOPPIN'
    WE root for the IRISH because our daddies did and their daddys did and thats what good IRISHMAN do!!!!!! CHEERS and KEEP CHOPPIN'