Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tailgating Halloween

It’s a slow week in Sportsland, NJ so let’s do a quick recap; the Giants won the World Series because Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Jimmy Rollins thought one championship in 30 years was quite enough for the Phillies faithful. The Lebron Hatefest Tour 2010-2011 AKA the NBA season started which means that the youth of America will continue to buy shoes named after professional athletes that shoot 58% from the free throw line. Notre Dame had a rough week (no need to pile on here). And finally, Donovan McNabb threw seven groundballs, an ill-timed interception, and was yanked in favor of Rex Grossman. Part of me will always love Donovan McTurtle but (insert awkward silence). There, you are all caught up. Now onto more important things…

On Sunday, Mrs. Philthy and I brought our 1 ½ year old daughter, henceforth referred to as the Lex-Monster, down to Philly to hang out with the Grandphilthy’s and to do some trick or treatin’. While driving down two things crossed my mind:

1) Is it parentally responsible to bring a toddler to the 7th most dangerous city in the United States to go house to house pandering for chocolate? and,

2) If I see Ryan Howard I am going to kick him square in the noots. Brief Venting Session: When Ryan Howard signed his 5-year, $125 million contract extension earlier this year I defended the move ad nauseam. I knew I was wrong in doing so but I lied to myself enough that I actually believed the nonsense I was spewing to jealous Mets fans and the few left that still believe small market teams deserve a fan base just for showing up 162 days out of the year. It finally took another month long stretch where Big Ryan looked like the mirror image of Pedro Cerrano to understand the harsh reality of the situation. Aside: “are you trying to tell me Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?” Yes, that is two Chelcie Ross references in two posts. Even I am impressed. Coincidentally, if I could piggy back on my BTP Blogmate for a moment, the great Derek Jeter will sign the second worst contract in baseball any day now. That makes me feel a little better, but I digress…

So, we start our inner-city excursion and I quickly realize that Old City, Philadelphia is the perfect Halloween setting. The row houses help you maximize your delicious treats per block ratio, alley ways are blocked off to traffic which allows for zigzag capability, and there are tons of people out so you can easily find an overzealous family of four to draft behind. Everyone is outside, playing tunes, dressed in costumes (my personal favorite was the Chilean Miner (too soon?) with the South Philly accent) and I finally realize that these people are BOMBED. LIT. HAPPY.

Everywhere I turned I saw copious amounts of Yuengling cans, box wine, and pizza – stay classy, Philadelphia. It was truly glorious. Not to be outdone, I ran back to the Grandphilthy’s crib to pop off some road sodas but it wasn’t the same. I equate my efforts to a quarterback throwing for 300 yards in a 42-14 loss; think Colt Brennan et al versus Georgia in the 2008 Sugar Bowl. Essentially, the citizens of Philadelphia agree to buy $17 in mini-Snickers bars for the opportunity to imbibe lawlessly for 5 hours, dress inappropriately, and attempt to scare the bejesus out of children. Yes, we will be back next year. Prepared. Oh, and the Lex-Monster had a blast.

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